The Guest List Redeux

Before receiving the guest lists from our parents, my fiance and I decided that we felt comfortable with somewhere between 130-200 guests.  It's important to remember you're usually paying per head, so the numbers add up quickly and the difference between 150 and 200 can be 10 g's.  So, it's a good idea to have a sense of what you're willing to spend (no matter who is footing the bill). 

And, remember I suggested asking each set of parents to make a wedding guest "wish list,"and you were supposed to start one too...well now you have to start getting real about those lists.

When I first got the email containing my parents "wish list" to my wedding, the total number was pushing 100.  My dad had included his childhood best friend and his second wife, both of whom I have only seen three times (at each of our bar/bat mitzvahs).  He also included some other rando couple that he's friends with, whom I have definitely never met.  And, my mom's got her third cousin's uncle.  And my dad's got his dad's brother's kids.  And,  not to mention, that our family consists of close to 30 people since all my cousins are married now (remind me next time to get married before them).  And, I'm not arguing that these cousin's uncles and childhood best friends aren't important to my dad or my mom...I know they are...and even though my dad is paying for this thing and I don't want to limit him...I asked both my parents to really consider what role these people have played in my life.  Is it more important to have this third cousin once removed attend the wedding, or my dad's golfing partner whom I saw every week growing up when I was a kid?

Just be warned...this will not be easy!  But, here are some tips for the nitty gritty of cutting down the list....

1)  Rank your friends:  This might sound sort of schoolyard silly, but it actually helps to arrange the large list into more manageable parts.

Ask your fiance's parents, your parents, and yourself to order your initial lists into  three subcategories.  There should be a list for the people that you can't imagine missing your wedding (immediate family, closest friends, godparents, etc.).  Make a secondary list of friends that you would like there, but, ultimately might be able to live without (your college friend that you haven't talked to in six years or a colleague that you don't see outside the office).  And, make your third list from the people that you would include if there is still room (acquaintances, your dad's cousin's uncle, that couple that invited you to their wedding seven years ago but you haven't spoken to since).

2)  Be realistic and, maybe, a little bit crude....ask yourself which friends you will want to have in your life going forward (your marriage is about beginning a life together)...not just who has been a part of your past.

3)   Name Recognition: if you or fiance do not recognize a name from your parents' guest list ask them politely if the person could be removed, since you are not personally affiliated with that friend.

4)  The "Plus One" Debate:  If you don't have room on your guest list, the "plus ones" can really add up.  When considering who should get a "plus one" consider the relationship.  If the couple lives together, they both should be invited to the wedding.  If your single friend has a long-term significant other that he/she just hasn't moved in with, but will probably in the future..."plus one."  If your single friend is just dating around and/or has a sort of serious girl/boyfriend this month but might not have the same one next month...no "plus one."