First Things First: The Guest List

Being overwhelmed and having no clue what to do...the first thing I decided was to try and get a head count for the wedding.  It was important for me to realize that before being able to even consider the location or venue, I needed to know just how many people to have space for.

My fiance and I both come from big Jewish families on the Westside of LA...so for our parents, this wedding is a big to do. 

Just to give you an idea...about five years ago I was in Florida visiting my elderly grandmother for the weekend.  I was living in Boston at the time, so I rendezvoused with my parents in Miami.  My dad made my mom and I trek 45 minutes to some Cheesecake Factory to meet up with his friends for lunch.  My parents had befriended the couple on a trip to Israel we took as a family when I was 18.  My dad, apparently, got together with them every time he came to visit his mom. But, this was only the second time I had ever seen them in my life. As we're leaving Cheesecake to make our way back to my grandma, the couple (who are very sweet and interesting) say, "Well, I guess we'll see you at your wedding!"   Without hesitation my dad said, "Of course!"  (Just as a side note...I didn't even have a boyfriend at the time).  But what I learned from this chat at the Cheesecake Factory was  that in my family my wedding would be my dad's wedding too.

Now that I do have a boyfriend and we are actually ready to get married...I've had to run some interference on all the hypothetical invites my dad has thrown out there over the years. 
 

So here are my tips for working the wedding list:

Step 1: Sit down with both sets of parents and ask everyone to come up with their "dream list" of all the people they would like to invite.  Ask each set of parents to categorize their lists into sub-groups of "highest," "middle," and "lowest" priorities.  Be kind and explain that you and your fiance will try and accommodate as many of people off the wish lists as possible.

Step 2: Create a similar wish list with your fiance and prioritize your list into groups of people you definitely want at your wedding, those you would like to include, and the people you could live without having at your wedding.   Remember that this is just a draft of your list.  Put down family friends too if you want them at your wedding (it's ok if you and your parents may have cross-over on your lists). 

Step 3: After you and your fiance get a good draft done, you'll be able to gauge how small or large of a wedding you two want.  Decide together an estimated number of guests that you feel comfortable with.  This will vary depending on how many people you feel comfortable with and based on who is paying for the wedding.  This will also help you determine how many people from the parents' lists you'll be able to accommodate.  

More on guests list in a bit...