Banging Out a Budget

No doubt, this is probably one of the hardest parts about planning a wedding.  There are a number of different customs when it comes to taking care of the tabs.  It used to be the bride's parents who took care of all things financial for the wedding... a modern day dowry, if you will.  But nowadays, many more families are starting to split up the costs.

First of all, figure out with your fiance how much the two of you can afford to put into a wedding.  For a lot of young couples, you may decide putting a down payment on a piece of property outweighs the cost of a wedding. On the other hand, you might decide to splurge with a big chunk of your joint savings to celebrate your happy day.  Either way, it's a good idea to have this convo early so that you're both on the same page, and if neither of your parents are willing to help you out...you'll be set with your budget.

The next step is trying to talk to your parents about the budget.  This can be a super awkward conversation, or not.  I think it's important to remember to be respectful:  pick an appropriate time and place for the conversation, decide whether you'll each talk to your parents alone or as a couple, and don't demand anything (obviously...unless you're a brat).  Also, remember that you don't have to get an exact number from them right away.  Just find out their stance on the issue and if they're willing to help you or not.

It took me at least three conversation to even get an idea of a number from my dad.   I'm very fortunate to have such a generous father, who has always provided for me and my siblings.  He has always been there for me and for that I feel forever in his debt.  So for me, asking about contributions to my "planning pot" was very difficult.  I felt an such enormous sense of guilt for everything he has already given me, that I didn't really want to ask for anything more.  Our first conversation was short.  He told me, "Whatever you need."  My fiance's parents are equally as generous and had a similarly vague conversation with their son.

So, with no real idea of a boundary in my mind, I decided that based on the number of guests we had all begun to come up with, I would find a few of the best options for the best prices and present them all to both sets of parents.  And, thus I came up with my short list of venues...

My second conversation with my father was much more realistic, since we both now had some ballpark figures for the event to work with.  From my short list, we were able to hammer out a number that he felt comfortable contributing to our "planning pot."  We had the same conversation with my fiance's family.  And, today we are set on our budget.

More on breaking down a budget later....