Leis of Love

My mom is making me a lei for my wedding. A lei is a garland that is worn around the neck or forehead as decoration.  It can be made from any type of material, but traditionally the lei is made from nuts, leaves, and flowers. 

Pikake and Pakalana

Pikake

Personally, I want a three strand pikake lei because the  flowers  look like pearls when they're all strung together, and smell amazingly beautiful.  I think this type of lei will look best with my more traditional wedding dress.  But leis can be made in all different patterns and with a variety of flowers.

purple orchid

Traditionally leis had sacred uses related to the reverence of gods, but they also have a history of social use for celebrations. 

Microginger

Today leis are often given during times of celebration.  They are used as gifts between friends or loved ones during special occasions.  A lei is something that takes time and love to create and those gifts are given with the lei itself.  The lei serves as a sign of affection.

Traditionally, leis were give by bowing slightly and raising the lei above one's heart.  The recipient could then take the lei and place it upon his/her body.  Raising one's hands above another person's head or touching a person's head or face were seen as signs of disrespect. Today, the lei is often placed around the neck of the recipient with a kiss.

double sided green orchid

When disposing of a lei, don't just throw it in the trash.  The lei is a symbol of love, the gift of love given to the recipient.  Tossing the lei also throws away that love.  Traditionally, the flowers should be returned to the sacred place from which they were gathered.  But, since this is often impossible, the lei should be returned to the earth in a natural process.  Hanging the lei to dry, burying the lei, or burning the lei are suggested means of disposal. 

Dressing for Less

Wedding dresses can get really expensive. Some of the designer dresses can run you anywhere from 5,000 to upwards of 25,000.  Maybe there's something special about wearing an expensive wedding dress, but that's just not for me.  I personally can't justify spending so much on a dress that I will only wear one time.  And, a lot of the brides I know that did spend big bucks on their gowns aren't so sure they want save those dresses in storage anyways.

 

The Lita Gown by BHLDN

I investigated a few different options for a budget-friendly dress.

The Aiguille Gown by BHLDN

Anthropologie's Bridal Shop BHLDN has a variety of vintage-style dresses for under $3,500.  The bridal stores are located in Chicago or Houston.  But, if you can't get to those cities you can just order online.

Jenny Packham

White Magnolia is an upscale bridal consignment shop located in Los Angeles.  It's located on the corner of Sepulveda and Exposition in West L.A.


This place is AMAZING!!!  They have a whole show room full of beautiful designer dresses that are either samples from designers or once-worn dresses on consignment from other brides. They carry designers like Vera Wang and Jenny Packham.  You can really find  anything you want at Magnolia and pay less than half the original price.  They have a variety of sizes and styles. And the two women who work there are very sweet and super helpful!  

At White Magnolia

Another option to dress for less for your wedding is renting a wedding gown.  One Night Affair is a bridal and evening gown rental store located in Los Angeles on Sepulveda Blvd. There are also websites for dress rentals.  If you pay a little bit extra you can be the first to wear the dress that will be rented after your wedding to other brides.

Vera Wang

1000 Paper Cranes

Hapa, Hafu, Mixed, Multiracial, Multiethnic, mixed-heritage, Asian-American, Jewish, Japanese, Jap Squared, Jewenese....

These are all things I have been called in my life. 

My mom is a Japanese American, a third generation American with parents who grew up in Hawaii.   And my dad is a New York Jew with immigrant grandparents from Russia.  They met at a coffee shop in Southern California...and had me. 


Since I have a mixed heritage, being from a multiethnic home has played an important part in my path to personal identity, and it's really important for me to blend these multiple traditions into my wedding. 

In Japanese culture, paper cranes are a symbol of good fortune and are given to the bride on her wedding day.  The crane has served as an ancient symbol of honor and loyalty. 









 There are different stories behind the significance and origin of this tradition.  In ancient Japanese legend, there is promise that anyone who folds one thousand cranes will be granted one wish by a crane.  The crane, a mystical creature said to live for a thousand years, is said to be able to grant good fortune, a long life, recovery from illness, or any other happiness.

Some say that the bride and groom who can complete the task of folding one thousand cranes before their wedding day, gain the trust, understanding, and patience to sustain a long and successful marriage.  Because folding a thousand cranes takes great patience, dedication, time, and understanding.  And, each of these qualities is vital for a healthy and lasting marriage. The end result was a visual testament to the couple's love and dedication to each other. 




Traditionally, either the couple made the paper cranes themselves or the bride's father gave her the thousand cranes on her wedding day to wish her and her new husband one thousand years of happiness, love, and prosperity. 

Today the cranes are made by the bride's family  and presented to the couple upon their wedding, wishing them all the blessings of love, prosperity, and happiness.  The more people who participate in making the cranes, the more love and happiness will be transferred to the couple with the gift. 

Room Mood

Reception rooms can look so drab if not accentuated in the right way.  I never knew that there were so many components that went into making your mood: lighting, linens, dance floor, florals, design, set-up.

These pictures are both from the same venue space, taken from similar angles.  Although one is a reception photo and one is a ceremony photo, you can see how different the space looks just based on the different lighting of each event.

I think I might be the luckiest bride since my best friend is a set designer in real life.  Being the bestie that she is...she has agreed to help design my dream reception.  All I have to do is pick out some pictures of reception rooms that I like.



Most people are not as lucky, but hiring a creative florist might work just as well.

Love these ceiling accented rooms.

The Chuppah

So, since we're Jewish part of our floral includes a chuppah.

For those of you who don't know what that is...a chuppah is a canopy under which a Jewish couple stands during their wedding ceremony.  The chuppah is a symbol in the Jewish tradition for the home that the new couple will build together and the protection that they will offer to each other through their marriage.

 

The chuppah should be constructed of natural materials: wood, cloth, or floral.  More traditional chuppahs were made from prayer shawls.  The cloth covering traditionally represented a divine presence over the marriage covenant. 

The chuppah should be open on all four sides.  This open space traditionally represents Abraham's hospitality to his guests, and serves as a reminder to always be hospitable.  But more current understandings of the chuppah's open air design see the space as an invitation to join in the joy of the wedding ceremony. 

 

Even with these traditions, there are no real specifications about how to construct your chuppah...so this is where you get to be creative.

This is my dream chuppah.....

Picture it Perfect

Wedding Reception Inspiration:

 If you're like me, you only have vague ideas about what your wedding will look like.  But it's a good idea to start browsing some wedding photos to get a sense of what you like AND don't like.

The Knot and My Wedding are both great websites for browsing tons of photos.  And, Pinterest is a great way to aggregate those pics into one space for you to browse.  Then you can take your ipad or whatever to your meetings with vendors and give people a visual idea of what you're in to. 

 Fantasy Flowers: 

Grab some photos of floral arrangements that you like.  Think about the type of flower, colors, season, height of centerpieces, arrangement style.  For some people the type of flower is really important.  Like some brides dream of their entire wedding reception covered in white roses or orchids.  But, I'm cost effective...so, the type of flower doesn't matter to me as much as the color and arrangement style.
 

Obviously, I'm really into green and white.  Remember to look at bouquets, centerpieces, boutineers, and ceremony arrangements.  A good way to try and cut costs is to think about ways in which floral arrangements might serve dual functions. 

These boutineers are made with succulents .  Using plants like succulents can be a way to give your flowers a modern twist.

Vegetables are also a unique way to cut your costs on pricey florals.  Kale is actually surprisingly beautiful when mixed with a few flowers.

veggie inspired centerpiece

I love this white kale arrangement.  So simple and so beautiful.  It gives a really fresh and soft wintery feel.

Be My Bridesmaid?

I've moved a lot during my twenties from LA to the East Coast for college to Boston to Cambridge to Hawaii and back to Boston again.  And, I've made a lot of really amazing friends along the way.  When my fiance and I each decided who to include in our bridal party, I realized that it might be a while until I see my friends since I only make it to LA every few months and who knows when I'll be back in Hawaii and one of my college friends moved to Georgia....so, asking in person seemed like an unreasonable option (although it would have been nice).  And, if you know me...you know that I 'm not a "phone person," so calling seemed a little weird and impersonal. 

Anyways, I decided to do something a little different.  I made cards to send to each one of my friends (I have a guy on my bride's side...whatever one of my best friends is a guy) and included a personal message.

You can grab all this stuff at Paper Source: stamp, ink pad, colored pen, blank card, and envelope. 

   Once you've picked out your blank card color.......get a nice ink color and matching pen.

 Stamp the corners with a cute stamp that's suggestive of a wedding.  Paper Source has a bunch of  cute stamps: brides, wedding cakes, bride and groom, rings, lovebirds, etc.

And write your would be bridesmaid's name at the center of the card.

Include on the inside of your card a personal message.  It's nice to tell your bridesmaid why you chose her (or him) and how much she means to you.  We don't tell people how much we care about them often enough.

Maybe you'll even get a picture response back....

Woes: The Guest List

Even with that the nitty-gritty tips for cutting down the guest list, there are bound to be some bitter moments....

Over the past few weeks my mom has been whispering in my dad's ear about revising his guest list.  Even though I've spoken to him several times about the size of his list, he seems unwilling to budge on it.  He keeps insisting that his oldest friends in the world, who I have only seen three times in thirty years, must be invited.  So, last night he called to talk about my gentle suggestions about leaving off some of his friends.  We went name by name down the entire guest list and each time I suggested that someone might be removed he declared, "Oh, but he has to come!  I was invited to his kid's wedding."

I think my dad thinks this is a bar-mitzvah because he kept saying, "well, but there are going to be more kids than adults."  I wasn't sure what he meant by this since I actually haven't invited any children to the event.  But, then, I quickly realized that by "kids" my dad means all his friends' children, who are in their 20s and 30s now...just like me.  He thought these "kids" should count on my guest allotment since they are my age. I tried to politely explain to him that they are family friends and not people I call to hang out with on the weekends.  And, I do want them at my wedding and would prefer that they come instead of his childhood friend that I've only seen three times.  I tried to explain that "his list" and "my list" are sort of the same because our side of the family and my fiance's side of the family should really be able to contribute equal amounts of guests.  He wasn't having it.

And, so here we are in a stalemate with 30 people over our desired number... 

The Guest List Redeux

Before receiving the guest lists from our parents, my fiance and I decided that we felt comfortable with somewhere between 130-200 guests.  It's important to remember you're usually paying per head, so the numbers add up quickly and the difference between 150 and 200 can be 10 g's.  So, it's a good idea to have a sense of what you're willing to spend (no matter who is footing the bill). 

And, remember I suggested asking each set of parents to make a wedding guest "wish list,"and you were supposed to start one too...well now you have to start getting real about those lists.

When I first got the email containing my parents "wish list" to my wedding, the total number was pushing 100.  My dad had included his childhood best friend and his second wife, both of whom I have only seen three times (at each of our bar/bat mitzvahs).  He also included some other rando couple that he's friends with, whom I have definitely never met.  And, my mom's got her third cousin's uncle.  And my dad's got his dad's brother's kids.  And,  not to mention, that our family consists of close to 30 people since all my cousins are married now (remind me next time to get married before them).  And, I'm not arguing that these cousin's uncles and childhood best friends aren't important to my dad or my mom...I know they are...and even though my dad is paying for this thing and I don't want to limit him...I asked both my parents to really consider what role these people have played in my life.  Is it more important to have this third cousin once removed attend the wedding, or my dad's golfing partner whom I saw every week growing up when I was a kid?

Just be warned...this will not be easy!  But, here are some tips for the nitty gritty of cutting down the list....

1)  Rank your friends:  This might sound sort of schoolyard silly, but it actually helps to arrange the large list into more manageable parts.

Ask your fiance's parents, your parents, and yourself to order your initial lists into  three subcategories.  There should be a list for the people that you can't imagine missing your wedding (immediate family, closest friends, godparents, etc.).  Make a secondary list of friends that you would like there, but, ultimately might be able to live without (your college friend that you haven't talked to in six years or a colleague that you don't see outside the office).  And, make your third list from the people that you would include if there is still room (acquaintances, your dad's cousin's uncle, that couple that invited you to their wedding seven years ago but you haven't spoken to since).

2)  Be realistic and, maybe, a little bit crude....ask yourself which friends you will want to have in your life going forward (your marriage is about beginning a life together)...not just who has been a part of your past.

3)   Name Recognition: if you or fiance do not recognize a name from your parents' guest list ask them politely if the person could be removed, since you are not personally affiliated with that friend.

4)  The "Plus One" Debate:  If you don't have room on your guest list, the "plus ones" can really add up.  When considering who should get a "plus one" consider the relationship.  If the couple lives together, they both should be invited to the wedding.  If your single friend has a long-term significant other that he/she just hasn't moved in with, but will probably in the future..."plus one."  If your single friend is just dating around and/or has a sort of serious girl/boyfriend this month but might not have the same one next month...no "plus one."

  

Banging Out a Budget

No doubt, this is probably one of the hardest parts about planning a wedding.  There are a number of different customs when it comes to taking care of the tabs.  It used to be the bride's parents who took care of all things financial for the wedding... a modern day dowry, if you will.  But nowadays, many more families are starting to split up the costs.

First of all, figure out with your fiance how much the two of you can afford to put into a wedding.  For a lot of young couples, you may decide putting a down payment on a piece of property outweighs the cost of a wedding. On the other hand, you might decide to splurge with a big chunk of your joint savings to celebrate your happy day.  Either way, it's a good idea to have this convo early so that you're both on the same page, and if neither of your parents are willing to help you out...you'll be set with your budget.

The next step is trying to talk to your parents about the budget.  This can be a super awkward conversation, or not.  I think it's important to remember to be respectful:  pick an appropriate time and place for the conversation, decide whether you'll each talk to your parents alone or as a couple, and don't demand anything (obviously...unless you're a brat).  Also, remember that you don't have to get an exact number from them right away.  Just find out their stance on the issue and if they're willing to help you or not.

It took me at least three conversation to even get an idea of a number from my dad.   I'm very fortunate to have such a generous father, who has always provided for me and my siblings.  He has always been there for me and for that I feel forever in his debt.  So for me, asking about contributions to my "planning pot" was very difficult.  I felt an such enormous sense of guilt for everything he has already given me, that I didn't really want to ask for anything more.  Our first conversation was short.  He told me, "Whatever you need."  My fiance's parents are equally as generous and had a similarly vague conversation with their son.

So, with no real idea of a boundary in my mind, I decided that based on the number of guests we had all begun to come up with, I would find a few of the best options for the best prices and present them all to both sets of parents.  And, thus I came up with my short list of venues...

My second conversation with my father was much more realistic, since we both now had some ballpark figures for the event to work with.  From my short list, we were able to hammer out a number that he felt comfortable contributing to our "planning pot."  We had the same conversation with my fiance's family.  And, today we are set on our budget.

More on breaking down a budget later....

Venues, Venues, Venues LA

After searching and searching through the wedding websites, I narrowed down the venues based on the following criteria:

1) a venue that can hold 150-200 guests for a sit-down reception
2) a venue that can do both the ceremony and reception on site
3) cheapest and nicest venue for the amount of people we are having

Here's a short list of event spaces in Los Angeles:

Vibiana:

Vibiana is an old converted church in Downtown Los Angeles with high ceilings and hard wood floors (great for dancing!).  It also has a beautiful outdoor patio that would be perfect for an outdoor ceremony and lounge area.

The space rental is about $9,000.  You have to bring in or use their preferred vendors for catering, lighting, rentals (tables, chairs, etc.), linens.  And, provide valet/transportation.  Vibiana also has a event shut-down time, so be sure to check out what time you have to close your party down.

Marvimon and The SmogShoppe: 

SmogShoppe

These are two different venues with outdoor and indoor accommodations.  Both have a sort of industrial, contemporary feel to them. They are contracted on a 12-hour rental period that can go until 2 am.  And both run about $11,000 for the a site fee that includes valet, site management, trash, kitchen rental, and furniture set-up.

Marvimon

Marvimon is located near Chinatown in Los Angeles.  It used to be an auto showroom an has since been converted into a loft-style event space. The space includes a private bridal suite and free valet parking.  You will need to bring in caterers, rentals, liquor, lighting.

The Smogshoppe was once a real smog-check auto shop.  Located in Culver City, this converted car shop is now a premier eco-freindly event space.

The Sky Loft:

SkyLoft

This a two-level penthouse overlooking Downtown L.A.  It features a kitchen for caterers and both indoor and outdoor event space.  The starting price for the space is $10,300.  This does not include catering, lighting, rentals, linens, or liquor.


Oviatt Penthouse:

This Downtown Los Angeles venue has a really nice Spanish style patio and is run by Truly Yours Catering Company.  While catering is not included in the initial site fee, it is offered.  The starting price for the event space is around $5,000.

Ebell

The Ebell, Los Angeles: 
This venue is located at mid-Wilshire.  It has high ceilings and hard wood floors, and a garden in the center of the event space.  You can rent out the entire first floor, which includes two big ballrooms, the garden and patio, and a bridal suite.  The Ebell offers catering, lighting, rentals, liquor, and valet for about $40,000.  They're alcohol license does require them to stop serving at 11:30 p.m., which means that events tend to shut down at around midnight.


The Luxe Hotel:

The Luxe

This is a small boutique hotel located above Sunset Blvd. in Bel Air.  It's idea for a smaller wedding and has a lot of outdoor reception and ceremony accommodations.   Contact the hotel for pricing because they offer different wedding packages that include: event space for reception and ceremony, rentals, liquor, catering, hotel rooms, spa treatments, dance floor, cake, preferred room rates for your guests.

The Beverly Hilton:

This venue is an old BH haunt.  Depending on the size of your party, there are quite a few options at the hotel.  For the 150-200 count, there is a rooftop that includes an open air patio and indoor ballroom with floor-to-ceiling windows on two sides.  These areas are used for the ceremony and cocktail hour (or reception if you're under 130 guests).  There's also a small ballroom located on the lobby level for a banquet reception if you're closer to the 150-200 mark.  The hotel offers a number of different wedding packages, which include: hors d'oeuvres, dinner, open bar, rentals, hotel rooms, bridal suite, and cake.