Engagement Photos Are In

I think the engagement photo shoot might be a guy's worst nightmare.  At least, for my guy it was.   He was skulking around the house hours before we were supposed to meet our photographer and snapped at me when I told him that his mom suggested he wear a button-down shirt.  In the end, he wore his usual uniform: white v-neck t-shirt, jeans, and converse.

Originally, I was going to wear a red dress from Alice and Olivia.  But, anyone who knows me knows that I hate the color red and just started working it into my wardrobe last year.  When I told my sister about my outfit plans, she gawked and then suggested that I wear something I would be guaranteed to like next year and better still in ten years. And so, the day before the shoot I was rummaging the racks at Bloomie's looking for a suitable alternative. The lesson for both me and him: wear what you're comfortable in because the shoot is awkward enough!

Even though engagement photos are cheesy by nature, and the shoots are more than a little awkward (unless you're a professional model or something), I definitely recommend going through the experience with the photographer. There are a couple of really good reasons:

1) Up until the engagement shoot I was a little worried that I made the wrong decision.  I mean, there are just too many choices out there.  And I was having a little case of buyer's remorse...but once we met the photographers, all my doubts dissipated.  The ladies were super relaxed and made it really easy to just let go and be ourselves.  They also knew exactly what types of shots to take and how to get us as relaxed as possible with each set-up.

2) I can't imagine having never worked with my photographer before and then allowing them into one of the most intimate moments of my life (my wedding).  I mean, there are so many super intimate moments on your wedding day (the first time you see your groom, getting dressed with your girls, having your mom there, walking with your dad/mom, etc.) and it seems to me that it would be best to have someone photographing you who you have at least worked with once before.  I can't imagine some stranger rolling up the day of my wedding and trying to capture my best moments.

As a side note, I have a good friend who opted not to do an engagement shoot before the wedding and ran into some of these exact problems on the day of.  Since she had never met or worked with the photographer before, he had no idea how she and her groom interacted and how best to capture it.  They also felt more awkward having someone they didn't know witnessing their intimate moments before the ceremony and stuff.

The Ketubah

Sorry about the hiatus...but I think when you're planning an event sometimes you just need a break :)

Photo from CultivaStudio.com

Now I'm back and on the hunt for a ketubah.

The ketubah is the Jewish marriage contract.  This document is often an elaborate work of art that includes Hebrew and/or English text.  Originally the contract was negotiated between the bride's father, the rabbi, and the groom. Traditionally, the legal document outlined the financial responsibilities of the groom and the compensations that would be made should the marriage end in divorce. First written over two thousand years ago, the original ketubah document was quite liberal in its small degree of recognition for women's rights. 

Today, the ketubah often reflects an equal commitment by both the groom and the bride and outlines their rights and obligations to and for each other.  It has become a spiritual and symbolic contract, which is signed alongside the state's marriage license.  Typically, the ketubah is signed in a small, intimate ceremony before the actual wedding with at least two witnesses.  

Photo from WeddingBee.com

Finding a ketubah is not an easy feat.  There are actually quite a few websites and stores that sell the documents and there are a number of artists, styles, color palates, designs, and texts.  What's great is that in many cases you can customize your text in both Hebrew and/or English to reflect the values that you and your future spouse share.

Urban Collective at etsy.com

Here are a few websites for finding your perfect ketubah.

Many Jewish brides will tell you that Ketubah.com is the place to go for your wedding ketubah needs.  This website has a plethora of ketubot that are searchable by artists, color, theme, text, and price range. 

I personally prefer Gallery Judaica.  I think they have a better selection of the paper cutout ketubot.

Urban Collective {Modern Ketubot}  on etsy also has some amazing hand-made paper cut out designs.

From Urban Collective at etsy.com

Picking a Photographer

Photo from http://wedding-blog.gigmasters.com

There are about a billion wedding photographers out there in the web-sphere, so it's really hard to know who to chose or how to chose them.  I definitely want my wedding photos to be a bit different.  I'm not into the typical wedding photography style--full of soft light and silhouettes.  I want something that reflects me and my fiance--something with character, something fun, and maybe something with a sense of humor.

After a lot of research, I narrowed my playing field down to a handful of potential candidates:

I found One Love Photo on StyleMePretty.  I love love love the vintage feel of their shots.  The pictures on their blog and website are all framed really well, so you know that the entire frame was taken into consideration during the actual shooting.  Another thing I loved about these photos was the personality and emotion that came through on film (digital film anyways). 

FocusPhotoInc is my personal choice for a wedding photographer.  They were recommended through a friend of a friend, who had an amazing experience with these photographers during her wedding.  The ladies at FocusPhoto take amazing shots that are super saturated and well framed.  The pictures on their website and blog are really fun and expressive.

And for a bit more traditional photography with a hint of vintage feel, look at Michael Segal.

Since I'm not a photographer and have never had a wedding, once I was in the potential candidate phase, I found out that there are some really important questions to ask your photographers.  I never realized there were so many details to ask in your initial research and quote aggregation.

1)  Find out exactly what is and is not included in their package prices: number of hours, number of photographers and assistants, albums, prints, digital negatives, engagement shoot, online album, digital photo editing/image enhancement, expenses (accommodations, food, etc.), and rights to reprint. 

2)  Check the photographers' photos for both indoor and outdoor events.  The super saturated brightness of my frontrunner's outdoor shots was completely non-existent when I looked at her indoor shots, and since my wedding is inside in winter....

3)  Give the photographer a tentative timeline to help you figure out how many hours they'll need to shoot everything.

4)  Ask to see all the shots from at least one entire wedding.  I think this gave me the best idea about the consistency of the photographer's shots, their attention to framing and emotion, how they shoot the "party pictures," and if they have a familiarity with the types of shots you might want. 

5)  Ask about the photographer's familiarity with the type of wedding you're having and the venue.  For religious ceremonies, find out the photographer's familiarity with that type of service and/or wedding traditions.

Meltdown

Photo from WeddingByColor.com

Back from a brief hiatus....mostly because I was getting overwhelmed by all this wedding stuff and my real life was calling.  But, even with a blogging break, over the past week or so, I have had more than my fair share of wedding related meltdowns.

Today was the first time I think my fiance and I really realized how deep we were getting into the cost of this thing.  Although we set initial budgets and estimated our costs, the contract with our venue really put it in perspective...and neither one of us had fully come to terms with the price.  I think part of the issue is that we've been working within an unspecified budget.  Since both our parents are very generous and want us to both to be happy, they have been sometimes unwilling to commit a hard number.  After multiple attempts, I was finally able to get a specific number from my dad about how much he and my mom were comfortable pitching in, while my fiance's parents were more vague.  Initially this worked for us all, but as we start to book vendors and sign contracts, my fiance and I feel like it's all just sort of getting  away from us.  Since we're unsure how much over our firm number we can really go, we're hesitant to book anything at all because it might end up costing too much.  I think getting firm numbers as soon as you can is an essential step, so that you can cut your guest list or wedding package or change venues to get everything you want for the price you know you can afford to spend.

After a panic attack or two, and a few heated phone calls my fiance and I finally reality checked ourselves.  First of all, we reminded each other that we agreed not to get in fights with each other about this wedding, since initially we both wanted to run away with 50 friends and get married.  But, while neither one of us initially wanted a large wedding, we are grateful to have families that can afford to give us that type of wedding.  And both of our parents want to celebrate with their friends and ours'.  I think being gracious for the opportunities that we can afford, and not getting overwhelmed and annoyed is a better approach to the situation.  But I constantly think of ways this money might be better used.

The Name Change

So, I had this internal debate about the name change for many years before meeting my fiance.

At first, I really believed that I didn't want to change my name.

My name and I have history.  We go way back. As one of my favorite philosophers puts it, we come into being as we turn in response to being called out by a name.  This suggests that in some ways we are nothing before that name.  And, if the name is such an integral part of our being...then I couldn't so easily just give it up.

When I was a kid, I hated my name. My first name was too soft-sounding and I refused to let anyone, but my dad, call me by my full name.  He's still the only person who calls me Nicole. I think it was in middle school that I finally started to like the special quality of my first name.  I remember having to complete this essay on the origin and meaning of my name.  I found out that my parents originally wanted to call me Nicolette, but when I was born they shortened it to Nicole.  Once I learned that little fact, I felt a fondness for my full name that I had never felt before because I really couldn't imagine being called Nicolette. In middle school, I studied the Greek gods l and learned that my name originated from the goddess of victory, Nike.  I'm pretty competitive, so it's fitting.  And, I like that the name itself has evolved to mean victory of the people. 

I also hated my middle name because it was foreign and weird and other kids laughed at me when I told them what it was.  No one could ever pronounce it.  And, I always had to explain to people that it was Japanese.When I had my bat-mitzvah, I finally learned what my middle name meant.  I had asked my mother before, but she only told me that she named me for a famous mid-century Japanese actress.  Oddly, it was my Rabbi who enlightened me on the real meaning of my Japanese name.  I found out that in Japanese each character has its own meaning and can be arranged together in various ways to produce different meanings.  The characters of my middle name come together to signify, "beautiful flavor" or "beautiful and good."  I think learning the meaning of this part of my name at a time in life when I was searching for my individuality worked to strengthen my sense of connection to it.  The difference I had felt because of my name was no longer based in shame, but, rather it became a sign of my "pride in difference."

As I grew to like my first and middle names, I started to love the sound and rhythm of my name in its entirety.  My history with my name has been a tortured one. But, unlike my first and middle names, I have never felt a sense of detachment from my last name.  It has always been there for me...strong, sturdy, stable.  It connects me to the people who have always been there for me, supported me, sustained me.  And so, giving up my last name is sort of bittersweet. 

Not So Cheezy Wedding Songs?

p.s. this isn't me :)

So, I started looking for wedding songs to play during our first dance... And, I have to say that I'm feeling really stuck, and a bit pessimistic.  I mean, there are just too many cheezy options floating around out there in the universe.




And, while I'm sure that Bryan Adams' early 90s ballad "Everything I do, I do it for you" is right for some couples...it makes me giggle and think of Kevin Costner in tights.

So, I'm working on a short list of possible songs:

This is a work in progress....

UpBeat Reggae/Blues:

Rhianna or Bob Marley (original version), "Is This Love"(...not sure about this one...verging on cheezy)
Keb Mo "Tell Everybody I Know"(legit blues song)

Bluesy Classics:

Otis Redding "That's How Strong My Love Is" (huge Otis fan passed down to me from my dad)
Al Green "Love and Happiness"(classic, happy song)
Sam Cooke "That's Where It's At" (great song)
Nina Simone "Feeling Good" (one of my favorite songs)
Nina Simone "Be My Husband" (obscure Nina Simone song performed at the '69 Harlem Festival)
Nina Simone "Turn Me On"

Contemporary:

Jeff Buckley "Be Your Husband" (a cover of Nina Simone...he's great!)
The Black Keys "Everlasting Light" (love this song)
Erykah Badu "In Love With You" (although she's sort of an anti-semite)

Offbeat:

Radiohead "All I Need" (we played this album all the time in the car when we were first dating)
Radiohead "True Love Waits"
Big Star "Thirteen" (fiance will hate this one)
Bright Eyes "First Day of My Life" (fiance will hate this also)

Bridal Belts

Lux Collection by Untamed Petals

So, I bought this amazing dress, but it looked better with a belt.  The girl at the store gave me a sample belt to try one with the dress and I fell in love...unfortunately, only the dress was for sale.

Now I'm on the hunt for a bridal belt.


I thought the belt was a really simple way to break up the dress....I mean, the all white thing is beautiful, but also a little plain.... the belt adds just the right amount of classy pizzazz.  And since I'm short, it also helps to elongate and accentuate my figure.  Win-win.

Ellie Beaded Sash by UntamedPetals

I had no idea there was such a saturated market for sashes, but apparently there is.  The bridal belts can be made from beads, fabric, florals, rhinestones, crystals, silk....some have crazy designs, others have big huge fabric flowers.  That's not for me...but there is something for everyone.

Giselle Lux by UntamedPetals

These belts are from Untamed Petals by Amanda Judge in NYC and are available on Etsy.  I think she has the best ones.

Siri Lux by Untamed Petals